I'll be honest, these past three weeks has been a turmoil, and has brewed a lot of conflicting emotions within me. I'm still trying to figure out what emotions I'm feeling and want to convey, but there's an overarching one: loss.
Online classes have caused me to lose structure of my days. I already had a wonky sleep schedule, but I now sleep at 6-7 AM and wake up at 3 PM.
I received a summer research fellowship with Mayo Clinic that was a dream opportunity for me, and last week it was cancelled. It was extremely disheartening, but I know that it's not me but everyone who's experiencing this. My heart particularly hurts for the seniors, who have had their job offers rescinded and will have to find jobs in an impacted market.
On a more vulnerable note, I've lost loved ones. Two members of the Duke community. A chance to say goodbye to seniors. Two days ago, I separated with my significant other of seven months.
It's the mourning of these that I want to portray in my pieces, but I need more time to simmer on them. I want my pieces to be emotional and full of intention. This has been one of the most difficult times I've endured, and I know that I can channel in these emotions constructively and produce some powerful pieces.
I was thinking of working with double exposure style art to convey the juxtaposition of what I feel: boredom yet not willing to do schoolwork. being proud of my Asian heritage, yet scared because of racist sentiments during a time like this. safe in my house through isolation, yet stifled by what's going on in our world.
It's ironic how at Duke we never have enough time to do anything, and now we face the problem of having too much time and struggling to fill it. The days blends together; it's only been about two weeks, yet it feels like months have passed. I am impatient for the day we will be able to return. I never thought I would miss school so much!
It's been quite a lot, but in the end my blessings are bigger than my troubles, and I am grateful to be safe and healthy.